Coming Home

For close to thirty years I had heard of a place called the Cook Islands, with only a few family pictures and a large aerial photograph to give me an idea of the island on which I was born. I was given stories too, and a birth certificate and social security number that didn’t look like any of the others I ever saw. Along with those, I got a name that was so unique that I was eighteen before I met another person with the same one. The difficulty of my own name was matched by the difficulty of the name of my birthplace-Rarotonga. For years it has only lived in my mind, since I remember nothing from my short time here. Less than two weeks ago, on December 28th, my wife and I landed at the Rarotonga International Airport-one runway and a few small buildings-and for the first time since I was a newborn child I was back in the land of my birth.

I am not sure what I was expecting. I had joked with others about feeling some sort of connection; about rediscovering my “roots”. I can say that as I turned with Ashley and looked at the inland peaks of the island, covered with dense jungle, rising up directly behind the Air New Zealand flight we had just disembarked from, I felt a sense of awe and wonder. This was a beautiful scene, and it felt amazing to have the chance to return to it.

Having been here now for almost two weeks, I have realized something. There was nothing wrong with wanting to see my birthplace or feeling as if I was missing something because I hadn’t yet seen it. I wanted to associate myself with this tropical island paradise because it further cemented my “difference.” I really thought that maybe I needed to visit this place to somehow complete myself…

I feel at home now, but not because I returned to the Cook Islands. My home was already with me when I stepped off that flight onto the tarmac. I first found my “home” over five and a half years ago, and on November 8th of this past year Ashley and I got married. That feeling of being “at home” has been there ever since. Coming back to this island was great, but my home isn’t a place anymore…it is my wife.